It’s been a hell of a year. In more ways than one. So I think it’s fitting, then, to open with a round of congratulations:
Congratulations! Here we are at the end of a year marked by struggle, fear, loneliness, and change. Here we are, feeling hopeful despite it all. That is something worth celebrating.
As I reflect on the past twelve months, I realize how much our world has grown. How much I’ve grown. At the start of 2020, when the world was a very different place, I had decided to do things differently myself. Rather than my usual 10+ resolutions, all to be forgotten by the week’s end, I held myself to just one. I decided that this would be the year I focus on self-love. And in the midst of a global pandemic, I consider myself incredibly lucky to have been able to make this a priority.
Today, I can say I’ve come far towards achieving the goal I set last New Year’s. The strange thing, though, is that it doesn’t look or feel at all like I expected. A year ago, self-love felt like a finish line – a destination I would reach which would become a permanent state of mind. I saw self-love as the quiet and constant belief that I’m perfect as I am. I thought it would be this unquestionable thing I could carry into every challenge life throws my way.
But I’ve learned this isn’t the reality of self-love at all.
I’ve heard it said that love between two people, the kind that lasts, is a choice. It’s a choice made every day when you wake up and decide to respect, accept, and cherish another person. I think the love you have for yourself is much the same way. It’s a choice made every day, in every decision. It’s constantly challenged. It’s a scary thing to make room for. It’s by far the most impactful change I’ve ever made in my life.
For me, self-love starts with mindset and translates into action. When I began this journey, I focused on exercises like positive affirmations, reminding myself of my value each morning. I reexamined my use of social media to see how it was supporting or attacking my sense of self-love, then altered by feed accordingly. In these first few months, it all felt very artificial. I barely even believed the words I was trying to tell myself each day. But slowly, that started to change. Something started to sink in.
As the year went on, I found that self-love was becoming a part of my inner dialogue. I was checking in with myself throughout the day to see if I was treating myself with compassion. It was practically subconscious, but it was there. And it made all the difference. Suddenly self-love was ingrained in my decision-making process. Forgiveness, patience, and acceptance were a part of my daily vocabulary. For the first time in a long time, I was looking in the mirror and asking myself not to change, but to grow.
It hasn’t been easy, and I don’t think it ever will be. Self-love is the active choice of compassion, and it takes a lot of work. It requires examining your relationships, your beliefs, and your habits. You have to figure out which pieces aren’t helping but hurting. And when you find them, you have to say goodbye. You have to trust that what is meant for you will find you, and that you’ll be strong enough to ignore the rest.
I certainly haven’t been perfect, and I still have a long way to go. But I’m lightyears ahead of where I was just twelve months ago, and I’m so excited to see what the next twelve will bring.
2021 will be my year of confidence.
I’m going to be taking a lot more risks – risks like this website, or starting my first business. Whether your 2021 goals are similar to mine or entirely different, I hope we can help each other along. If 2020 has taught us anything, it’s that we are far stronger together than we are alone.
So what’s your resolution? I’d love to hear all about it. Get in touch via my contact info here.
Oh, and happy New Year!